Do you always feel like you don’t know exactly what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage or lost their baby. How to show support. How to avoid blowing it by saying the wrong thing?
Have I said something like this to someone who has had a miscarriage or lost their baby?
Somewhere along the way?
To be perfectly honest, I bet I have, or some milder version of it, while fumbling for the right words and trying to put a good spin on a horrible situation.
Why do we feel that we have to put a spin on it at all? Why can’t we just say “I’m sorry. I’m here for you. I love you.”? It’s as if we want to make it go away for the person who is hurting, to brush it aside, to lighten the load. As if by saying the magic words she will be set on the speedy superhighway to recovery.
1. Offer to do errands or bring a fresh and nutritious meal. I’ve often heard it said that in this situation you shouldn’t take no for an answer, since many feel so uncomfortable accepting help and are likely to say they don’t need any. Say “I’ve made this for you and I’m going to bring it. When would be the best time to drop it by?” rather than “Would you like me to bring some food?”
2. Be a good listener, allowing them to share their story and feelings. Don’t judge. Don’t decide when they should get over this or how they should be reacting to it. It’s their loss, not yours.
3. Make sure your support is ongoing, not just during the first few weeks. Fight the urge to move away from them because it’s so hard to see them suffer and it’s so hard to be around such pain. Keep reaching out.
Show them they are not alone
Show them they are loved.
Show them they are heard.
xx Janice
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